I really hope its about me.

But i know nth is ever about me.

I'm dreaming is it is.

But who has no dreams??

What i need is to face,is reality.

I should stop saying bad things about me.

I should stop affecting readers with my posts (if i did)

Just what have i done?

I didn't even know what i've done...

I didn't even know if i had affected anyone(even in the slightest way) with my posts.

I need someone to tell me straight in the chatbox or email or msn etc etc...but i also know i should stop bothering people anymore.

Yup, maybe its time i stop blogging for a while. Stop posting rubbish or trash or whatever.

I'm not refering to anything, but only my post on 19 May 2009.

I felt like i've taken advantage of blogging to write whatever is in my mind, without any thoughts for my readers.


I'm selfish, I'm thoughtless, I'm sorry.

I can't recall how many "sorry"s i've typed using my keyboard, but as the saying goes :" sorry no cure"

But all i can say is Sorry. and i know i should stop saying that because its meaningless. Is it?

alrite i shall stop writing grandmother stories.

Changes? Nth will ever change even if i change.

We'll see.

*This will be my last post until further notice.

Signing off,

Lim Jian Long

12:18am

Yup, its me again,though i will be surprised if its not me posting here....

Yesterday, watched a movie on Channel U, 11.30pm
dun think anyone i know will know about this movie, but its ok. :)

decided to push everything regarding sch to tomorrow
i gt one project presentation and two tutorials and one lab exercise.

what else? em...
well i got along well with my BD group, haz...We had a new male member about two weeks ago.

Now goin to Garena to see if gt any available room to play.


Signing off,
JL

I dunno whatever happens to me
i felt like a failure(once more)

i felt tired even though my projs are not in rough waters.
I just want to be noticed.

but i failed as a friend when i can't even say something useful/measningful to a friend about what she is going through now...

What right do i have in people's lives when i dun even give a damn about how they are doing?

Though everyone is my friend, not everyone treats it so.

Maybe i'm too sensitive, but ....what happens in sch is .... nvm i shall not elaborate.

If a mute can have many friends, why can't a normal person ? unless i'm adnormal?

is communication the only factor here?

I know whatever happens to me, i can only blame myself...as its all due to me .

Different people have different personalities, but why all these people can communicate well together, but not with me?

just tell me where i went wrong!!

yayayaya communications, solo guy, quiet, anti-social......i had already talked abou this in my previous posts!
...looks like i'm just cirlcing round and round....with no destination or goal.

ppl talk to me only about sch work and proj, but nth else.except some rare times.

if i say all r my friends, i can say only a few are real.

what is the meaning of real friends?

are friends just a term for "a person tt i know by the name and who i talked to only about sch work"?

what am i babbling about?

am i being randm today?

is it becos i gt nth better to blog about?

why am i secong-guessing your thoughts? or am i?

i'm just writing whatever comes to my mind?

do i ever think b4 i write?

i really envy others...but what's the point of envying?

i'm in my third year now...but i feel like a immature person, a selfish one at tt.

so what if i admit my mistakes? i said i'll change. where is it?

none at all!

all i can do is daydream!

My good friend has a clique of over 20! but i have nth...yes its my fault, no one else's...

I'm not trying to argue, grumble or complain here...

its my weakness..i can only communicate freely in msn!

am i being over-dependant on it?

am i just a coward shifting around in my tiny four-corner space?

i'm not fit to be anyone's .....i can only be a good friend, nth more than that
becos its after 19/11/2008 that i really start to think...and reflect...and lie to myself before dragging myself back to reality again..i had to face the fact!

i long for company, but what can i give in return? no one wants a loner for company...no one most certainly wants an emo anti-socialist in a clique.Actually i'm netiher! but my actions may have perceived ppl to think tt i am!

Change is not the thing here!
the thing is HOW? do i follow a certain number of steps?
or do i need to act indefinitely in front of them?

actually i do not know what exactly am i trying to convey in this post..

i just wanted to fall onto my bed and sleep.

how will i survive in NS?

why am i wacking my brain so i can continue this post?

can i just stop here?

do i need to continue?
i finally realised another important weakness about me.

i am not decisive at all!!

am i trying to show off or to catch attention by writing all this? if so, why? am i really desperate for company? Am i trying to get noticed? Yes? If no, does it contradict with my 4th sentence?

why am i typing so fast?

my neck hurts!

my head hurts...

my heart...ok stop being emo pls.but no, its not emo..its something else, something more complex, but which actually is quite simple and cruel, maybe?

i found out another thing...i'm talking to myself in this post!
am i?

stop....!

sorry did i scare you...hahaz.
I'm a hypocrite. but it depends on how ppl define it.How i define it. How you deine it.

relax, there's nth wrong with me.

This is a very random post. i'm just confused.or perplexed. or just being silly, wrong in the brain., etcetc, crazy even...

better end this post now.

Sighing off,
JL

I'm afraid (very afraid) that i'm slipping into the dangerous but tempting habit of procastinating and laziness, again...

i'm supposed to do some research on my Global Business Environment project, but even though i returned home at round 7.30pm, i felt really tired, and enjoyed lying on my bed for 3 hours..the feeling is great..i just wanted to close my eyes and sleep...
so now i'm suffering the consequences for not doing my work early, and its nw 12am...

i just found some websites for what i'm supposed to find, and i guessed tt's it then.

then need to do GBE tutorial, and i'll let IA and F tut alone till tomorrow....
....
my procastination habit is getting worse...pls help me..

when even did i find the time to blog? but its a break for me, and it helped me to stay focus...lol

luckily for me, before my procastination and laziness habit kicks in, i've completed my assignments for my Business Development module..Market evaluation, Features of the industry and Demographic factors...
(i dun deny for some parts of these assignments...i did crap a bit .....)

anyway i forgot i sill need to do some appendix parts for my GBE project....
.....
....
...
..
.
wth

signing off,
J

I'm back!

Recent Updates (Not in order of date or importance):

- Went to Istana last Friday(Labour day) to help out at Istana Open House

- Starting on Team Contract for my Buiness Development Module

- I'm in a no-man's-group(literally), cos all of my other group members are females..haz

- i'm appointed Secretary..men can be secretary ok ~ em..aka asst. team leader

- We finished our team contract today.

- I actually forgot to bring my Handphone today, and had to buy a new chip phonecard from 7-11 (lol)>> 5 damn dollars..anyway my old chip phone dunno why went out on me then the payphone say invalid chip phonecard, wth

- Chiong "Slam Dunk" on Saturday night(i knw its an ancient anime, but i'm rewatching it.)*bought the dvd at Giants.

i knw can dl on youtube, but the graphics on youtube not nice, and nid internet connection, and hard to search for the episodes, and..................etc etc
and also i bought with my pay, so its ok.

- may be going for swimming lessons on Tuesdays at Tampines Swimming Complex..round $50 fee per mth, and only once each week.is it too ex?

- to be continued.

Signed off,
J