On Friday, 19 of February 2010, something happened which will definitely leave a blank space and an empty mark in my life.

I totaly forgot and missed my RC test which comprised of 20% of the total grades.

I was writing notes for my BTBM when suddenly i received an sms, and upon reading it, got the shock of my life.

I rememebered with a jolt that i was supposed to have a Test at 1pm, and its then 1.30pm.

I hastily changed clothes and rushed down in a taxi and ran all the way to the venue. But it was already too late.

From this incident, i realised that, i finally found a large obstacle in my life that is sufficient to change me, my ways of thinking, my life as a whole...not that other incidents do not, but this is the first time i totally forgot and missed a test. Heard from the lecturer that there is no way i can have a retest.

The only good thing is that i have always been early, if not punctual, for my classes, and that the lecturer had looked thru my other asessments and predicted that i might just fall from an "A" to a "B"..

but this is not the point.

I've been wondering after this incident..that must we really have to experience something significant before we can really change what we know that is wrong, but which we are still doing? Must we realy have to lose something before we will miss it?

I can't blame it on my short-term memory; either can i blame it on any other person or things except myself.


In the past, i've always have these wierd thoughts of "what if this happens to me? what if that hapens to me? how will i handle it?..."

Now that these thoughts became a reality...i find it hard to accept it..

however, life has to move on...and i know that if i just stand that, blaming myself, feeling depressed, or even hating what has happened...without the thought of moving on..i cannot survive in this world..

Sure, all of us had heard of peple who have experienced worse but bcame successful in the end, and i found myself asking this question:

" Why is being a human so diffecult and complicated and stressful?"

"Is education really the most important thing in this world"

"Are we really so dependent on education that we cannot survive without it?"

I know that i've only missed one test and should not exaggerate thing, but.. do we need to really make ourselves so stressful and make our lives so dificult just to get a good education so that we can survive in this world?

I know that stress does not come naturally but is what we create ourselves but this does not help in answering my questions.

I just want to make it clear that i am one who takes each test seriously,

and not one who thinks " chey, just 20%, nevermind la..miss miss lor!!"

or "Ha! just need MC rite? buy one la!! then can retest lalala"

Thus comes my next question:

" do we need to really use all kinds of unethical methods like lying or using fake smiles or whatever just to survive in this world, as long as we do not break any law??"

I know to survive in this world, the most important thing is that we should first care for our own selves because if there's really anytihng that happen to you, NO ONE will care for you if they cannot even care for themselves. YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO USE ALL KINDS OF MEANS JUST TO SURVIVE AND FIGHT ON.

In this world, if you do not even care for yourself in the first place, no one will help you.

I've seen how some people work in some places..i've seen how selfish and realistic this world can be...

but i just cannot come to terms with it...!

I hope one day, i do not need to use any underhand means or even outright means or whatever just to survive...But i know.

That the chance of this day coming. Is not even close to zero.

Signing off,
JL